• Samantha Jones


Updated: Feb 28, 2019

How can I forgive him?

I’m angry. I’m pissed off. I’m hurt.

Why should I forgive him? After everything we’ve been through… after everything he’s put me through, how can he just walk away? Without even so much as an apology?

I don’t want to forgive him. He doesn’t deserve it.

I’m willing to bet each of you have found yourself in similar shoes. In a situation where a family member, a friend or a loved one hurt you to the core. Their careless actions and heartless words left you feeling betrayed, small, and alone.

Chances are you feel completely justified withholding your forgiveness.

Chances are the last three words you want to say are “I forgive you.”

Hell, I’ll be the first to admit it.

But the longer you withhold your forgiveness, the longer you allow someone else to hold the key to your happiness. Your unforgiveness holds your heart hostage. And how can you take steps forward when you are bound to the hurt that broke you?

You can’t.

As a way to protect yourself, you begin to build walls. But what you don’t realize is that the pain is harboring from within. By withholding your forgiveness, your wounds remain open and fresh. Bitterness begins to find its place and before you know it the walls have closed in, locking all of those ugly feelings inside.

Once unforgiveness has planted roots in your heart, it follows you everywhere. Into your friendships, into your next relationship, into your daily life.

I’ve witnessed unforgiveness destroy relationships right before my very eyes. For the last fifteen years, I watched it destroy my parent’s marriage. I watched it tear my family apart. I watched as it carried forward and seeped into my relationships. I watched it destroy me.

But what about my earlier statement – he doesn’t deserve it. Well, does he?

Does the one who broke your spirit deserve your forgiveness? Maybe not. Maybe the offense was so big, so cruel, that it seems impossible to forgive. Maybe you want the offender to pay for their actions.

But I’ve come to learn that forgiveness isn’t about the offender, it’s about you.

Hear me when I say this – choosing to forgive your offender does not let them off the hook. It does not excuse their actions. But it does release the pain and bitterness from your heart. It sets you free.

It means that you get to take the key back to your happiness.

If there’s one thing you take away from this post- remember this: Hurt people, hurt people. Healed people, heal people.

Let’s not be a people who hurt others because of the unforgiveness that consumes our heart. The world is cold enough as it is.

Choose to unlock your heart from the chambers of unforgiveness. Choose to remain soft in a world that’s hard. Choose to set yourself free.

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