BECOMING A NO GIRL
Ask anyone who knows me and they would tell you that on any given day I would move mountains just to see someone smile. I drop anything and everything for those I care about, no matter the cost.
And although my intention is for this to be from a place of love and compassion, I’m discovering that too often it’s driven by fear. Afraid of letting people down and disappointing, of being too much and never enough, I put others before myself and say yes to their comfort and happiness at the expense of my own well-being.
I’ve defined this characteristic as the following: a Yes Girl: having an intense need to please and care for others that is deeply rooted in fear; fear of failure and fear of rejection. Allowing her worth and value to be determined by another’s affirmation and validation.
Masked by a false sense of accomplishment, love and acceptance, I said yes to jobs that didn’t fit me or who I wanted to be, settings that I didn’t particularly care to be in, and half-hearted relationships that left me feeling empty and small.
When your automatic response is to say yes, you get consumed by pleasing and taking care of everyone else – it slowly picks away at your self-respect and eventually your wants and needs fall by the wayside. They become 2nd or 3rd, even 4th in your line of priorities. By the time your personal needs roll around, you’re left feeling exhausted and hollow with nothing left to give yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid in bed wondering out loud, asking God “Why?” I give and I give and I never ask for anything in return… why don’t people do the same? Why don’t they fight for me when I’d give anything for them? I just don’t understand. Haven’t I earned it?
And then one morning after a long night of tossing and turning, questioning and praying, I found the lesson in the struggle. He wasn’t doing this to me, He was doing this for me. He was teaching me the most important lesson of all: that I am already worthy, already enough, already accepted and so loved by the only One that matters. All of those nights of feeling emotionally exhausted, burnt out and lost were part of a process to strengthen my heart and ignite a fire within me. He was lighting my path to becoming a No Girl.
No Girl: having the courage to say no and set emotional boundaries; to ask for what she needs and stand for what she believes in. Knowing she is worth more than rubies.
You can give and give and give until you have nothing left, but that won’t teach others to value or respect you. At best, you give them permission to take what they want or need without regard – to take advantage of you. You teach people how to treat you by what you will and won’t accept.
And it begins with setting emotional boundaries. It begins with having the courage to say no.
No to a job that doesn’t fit you, no to a loved one that doesn’t understand, no to a relationship that makes you feel less than. Even if it means letting someone down or disappointing those you care about, you are allowed to say no to anyone or anything that dims your light or hurts your soul. You don’t have to make excuses and you don’t have to justify your answer. Your happiness and well-being deserve to be a priority. Just kindly say no and turn the page.
So here’s to becoming a No Girl. May we all have the courage to say no - to ask for what we need, stand for what we believe, and never forget how worthy and loved we are.
Proverbs 31:25 – She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.